14. Crohn's: A Diagnosis (Sort Of)

A Portrait of Crohn's Disease

Period: February 2012 - March 2012

By this time, many of my colleagues and friends were also aware that there was an issue, but not how serious it was. By this time one of the most frustrating aspects of the whole ordeal was not being able to tell people what was causing it, because although I had my suspicions, I still didn't have a diagnosis. It also wasn't easy having to dash away from the desk to get to the loo in time. There was nothing more nerve-racking than being in the middle of a telephone reservation when you realise you're about to poop - they were always the customers with the most questions! For me, the most spirit-crushing part was the pain. I have never had a hernia, but I can only assume it felt something like that. It was like there was a dead weight in my lower right abdomen, like a rusting metal ball just sitting there and sometimes visibly protruding through my stomach. Carrying luggage up three flights of stairs while trying to ignore the agony and engage the customer in polite conversation was no easy feat. In all my appointments with GP's and consultants, I had never been prescribed anything for the pain.

I eventually saw the consultant in late February and was referred for a CT scan. By now of course, I was fairly sure in my mind that it was Crohn's disease, but as the doctors did not seemed concerned, I just carried on as normal. However, although I wasn't aware of it at the time, it was taking its toll on my Mum. I was staying with her and she couldn't understand why I was not more bothered by it and tried to convince me to got to A&E many time. When someone has to jump out of the bath to let you poop and help clean up your vomit, its impossible to hide the severity of the problem. But I just shrugged her off, thinking more about my own problems than the effect it might be having on her stress levels.

Following my CT scan, in April the consultant informed me that my bowel was indeed inflamed and the most likely cause was Crohn's disease. The only way to know for sure was to carry out a colonoscopy. In the meantime, he jotted down the number for the specialist IBD nurse and told me I should call her if my symptoms worsened. When I got back in the car, I remember thinking to myself "How much worse can it get before they offer me any prospect of relief?". I retrospect, I should not have insisted on attending all my consultant appointment alone. One piece of advice for any potential Crohn's sufferers - make sure you take someone along who cares about you and has seen you at your worst. Chances are they will be much more forceful than you. 

I thought I would feel relief when I finally knew what the problem was, but I had been so intent on finally getting a correct diagnosis that I hadn't really considered what they might mean. Even though at that stage I was still relatively ignorant of the full nature of the Crohn's Disease, I knew enough to realise there was no magic cure. Most importantly, the thing I had been working and saving so hard for - my dream of continuing my backpacking adventure - was looking less and less realistic in the near future.