28. Struggles 'R' Us

Period: May 2013

Either the stress or the fatigue or coincedence made my Crohn's symptoms a lot more severe during this period. It had been some time since I had experienced a prolonged period of severe pain and it was an unpleasant reminder of the uncertainty that the future may hold. For some reason, I still found it difficult to accept that Crohn's would be a constant presence in my life.

The experiences with the car once again reinforced my negative perception that I was a very unlucky person. At the same time I was finding it increasingly difficult to commit to my job. In the past I had always given 110% to every job, no matter how menial, but I now found myself struggling to muster any motivation or enthusiasm. The same was true of my studies. 

When I contacted the car dealer a fourth time, within a week of the third "repair", to tell them that the problem had returned, I was informed that the owner was on holiday and no action could be taken until his return in two weeks time. I sought counsel from Citizens Advice and I proceeded to send them a letter by recorded delivery outlining my issues and how I would like it to be solve - I wanted to return the car for a full refund, which, under Trading Standards, I am entitled to do if I have given them three chances to repair. Following a phone call to Citizens Advice, I proceeded to send the garage a letter outlining the problem and my request for a refund.   

In the meantime, I was spending £100 a week hiring a car just to get to work and back. The alternative was simply not an option with my morning poop issues, as it would require a bus, a train and a 20-minute walk every morning and evening. My mental health sunk to an all-time low - I knew that the confident pre-Crohn's me would have coped with these difficulties no problem, but the chronic fatigue and stress was too much in my fragile state. I decided to hand in my notice and work and for the first time take a break from everything to get my head together. My family were fairly unaware of the severity of my depression and as a result I knew they would criticise me for giving up work, even temporarily, so I lied and said that they had decided not to keep me on after my probationary period. Living with my Mum and brother for so long had not really helped me beat the depression as they are inherently negative people. For instance, when I was walking out the front door for a job interview earlier this year my Mum's exact words were "just don't get your hopes up"!